Sometime later I was happier

So, I’m not writing every week – you caught me. But Christmas was busy, and catching up after Christmas was even busier.

What matters is that I’m here now. Well, I’m writing now.

I thought I’d write a deeply reflective post this time, about happiness and satisfaction. It shall be inspirational, uplifting, and most likely highly boring. As most things happy and  inspirational tend to be.

Also, I hate reflection. It is a self centred, ridiculous act that was forced upon me at university. And probably makes me a better person, or would if I did it half as often as I was taught to do.

Recently, there were a series of events that made me see something in myself. Helped me to see that I was losing my patience. I have been getting upset over mundane things, and getting grumpy about most everything else. None of which was good evidence that I am in fact happy and actually really love my work.

I had gotten myself into the habit of comparing what I do with others. Comparing what I had with others. Despite doing lots of work out of my own interest and want. I started to worry about how much I perceived myself to be doing, and how much others were doing. I wanted more free time, money, space, etc. Basically whatever else other people had (or rather what I thought they had).

I lost sight that I actually enjoy what I do. I may not want to do it forever, but that is besides the point. I was quick becoming a covetess old fool who was dissatisfied with what I wanted.

I was trying to base my happiness on others, which really doesn’t work. I tried to play by rules that don’t exist. The world is not fair (I should end my happy tale here). It also is not unfair, it just is. Other people’s lives are not how I should be judging myself.  I learned this lesson long ago, that the world was not fair and I cannot make it fair. Somehow I forgot that simple truth by investing to much attention on what others have.

I somehow forgot that my happiness has nothing to do with you, or anyone else.

And that’s it.  I feel strangely much happier now. And all I did was stop carrying so much about others. Well… You get the point, I’m happy, regardless of how little or much I have. I’m better off than some, worse off then others and actually happier than most. And the trick is to recognise what I have, not what you have.


The meal that almost was

This is a story of redemption, of the little restaurant that failed and promised to make it better.

Last year we had an office Christmas meal at our local pub/restaurant, and I wrote a blog about it, suffice to say, it sucked. The food was bad, like really bad, and the service was slow, painfully slow, and all in all it was pretty awful. This year they promised us it would be better if we brought our business back to them.

As I prepared for round two, a funny thing happened, I couldn’t go. Short staffed due to unforeseen circumstances, I looked on as my comrades took their life into a nearly complete lack of danger. Truth be told I was a bit put out. I wanted to see if they actually got better (it actually sounds like they did from what my colleagues tell me).

So I was near writing a blog about nothing, but realised I said I was going to do this once a week. So here I am, doing my best despite the lack of occasion. Which is so utterly untrue, something quite exciting happened today, me and my wife’s wedding rings arrived. See, it’s a funny story, and one that comes with way to long of an intro.

Me and my wife got married…

So it’s not really funny, but we kept it the best kept secret to ever be. My wife and I live in a Camphill Community, if you want to know what that is, click this link. Basically, keeping secrets is hard enough in any work environment, but doubly in a place like this. So keeping this secret was actually a big deal. Both of our families live far away, and you can’t invite some people and not others. So we invited no one except our two witnesses. One of the witnesses made us wooden rings for the ceremony (which was pretty ace), and we did the dirty deed in the beginning of Dec. It was all very cloak and dagger with a baby style, and really quite nice. We had ordered some rings, but because we were so lazy-faire (yes it is purposefully spelled wrong), we didn’t order ourselves proper rings until just before the wedding, but they arrived today, and that is my big exciting news.

I tried to do this once

So, I tried to write a blog once…..

I realise now that meant I had to do it more than once. Even though I sit here wondering why no one ever read my clever and witty words, I actually know that this might be my own fault.

See, I suffer from an all too common problem these days, I want the glory without the work.  I just thought I would plaster a few words up here once in a while and I would be sorted.

I also realised how hard it is to actually do something productive when Game of Thrones is on, or Masterchef, or Man Vs Food.  It’s shamefully easier when that really good documentary about Nelson Mandela is on BBC that I like to tell people I watched (which I did, really.)

So here is attempt 2 to make this work, I want to write a post once a week, and I really don’t want to write about Gun Control or anything overtly political, because inevitably my leftist libertarian eco warrior side will come out and offend someone from somewhere.

Sooo, next week I hope to once again go to my favourite restaurant, so if you happen to have read my blog before (I can count you on one finger), this would be the infamously terrible Christmas meal that I went to last year with work. We are going back again, this time with assurances from the owners that things might have improved.  I am tense with anticipation for round 2.  So I will write another review of The Bielder next Thursday.

I used to write spoken word

but now it feels forced, but i tried, and i’m sharing, i have one follower, you know who you are.  one day there might be more of you, and i’m going to write like their might one day be more of you.  so to all my friends who don’t know i have a blog, which is all of you, here is my first attempt to get back into writing, its short.


working through wording,

i’m trying to create.


no, i’m working to create,

I am forcing creativity.


i’m pushing through my fingers,

the will to write words.


no, to create words of art,

words that pull the world’s seam’s apart.


I am forcing truths,

unraveling preconceptions.


no, i’m uncovering misconceptions,

of underserved redemptions.


i force my fingers to write,

unsure of what to type.


no, i’m lost in my own thoughts,

my mind wanders… away.


creativity slipping away,

growing tired with age.


no, wasting away,

malnourished and unpracticed.


like the tools of a trade,

left out in the rain.

Brain Heist

so my wife (we aren’t married, but saying partner sounds silly and everyone else calls her my wife) told me the most fascinating fact.  some women, in the final stages of pregnancy, have their brains shrink by as much as 3%.  This is made even more fascinating because we are actually just starting to attempt to make babies.  


this is truly amazing, pregnancy makes you stupider (my wife’s words, seriously).  apparently, if the baby doesn’t get enough nutrients to develop it’s brain, it will basically steal its mother’s brain in some sort of neonatal heist. 


so take heed new mothers, feed your body with lots of good nutritious food, or else your baby will steal your frontal cortex.  of course this is by no means a serious medical journal, and maybe my wife is wrong, the babies might be after your occipital lobe.


Also, the brain apparently regrows to full size after about 6 months.



other thoughts for the day, google image Brussels sprouts, they look unnatural.

the start

i wanted to start this new writing with something like, well, this is my first journal/blog/whatever and i don’t know what to write.  
But that sounds so…. typical, and who the hell wants to be typical.  my last wish is that i’m gonna start writing and sound like some emo teen wearing skinny jeans moaning about not knowing what to moan about.
So instead i still sound like the above, just actively aware and trying to fight it.
the olympics are on, and i don’t think I have ever been less interested in the olympics, I mean whats different, phelps swims fast and bolt runs fast.  China and the US duke it out for the top spot and the rest of the world is just happy to have a good time, except for Britain, they have this illusion of grandeur when the fact is there are only 60 million people in this country and statistically they just won’t beat a much larger country.  and i’m pretty sure India isn’t up there because they’re smart enough not to throw all that money at evolutionary traits that aren’t useful anymore.  granted they probably spend that money on other just as useless causes, but at least not at that one.
I’m tempted to delete the above writing because i feel like i’m trying too hard, but i read somewhere once that writing gets easier with practice so i’m going to leave bad observations in for the time being.
I can’t decide whether i’m going to publish any of these anywhere.  There is something cool about a blog, if people read it.  if no one reads it, its just lame.  actually, a blog only makes sense if there are lots of people to read it, or if its for family, but if its just for family why not just email it.
on the plus side, i once again have a use for my journaling program.  i did use it for university, i was supposed to keep a learning journal, i hated it.  i liked the program, but the learning journals sucked, they always wanted lots of reflections.  
have you ever known one of those people who always asks, “and how do you feel about that”.  I hate that, and thats what reflection is like.  i see life much more black and white.  no, i take that back, my views on things are very black and white.  
alright here is a disclaimer, if by chance i do post this to a blog and you read this, i work with adults with special needs and my learning journals where about my work, the course was a practice based course.
right back to my thoughts on black and white.  i would write a learning journal and comment on how i noticed X approach worked better for Bob (obviously a fake name) than using the Y approach and i would say it was because of factors a, b and c.  In my learning journal I’m then supposed to explain how this was for me…..  How in hell does that have anything to do with how i’m feeling.  if i tried Y approach and it didn’t work i don’t reflect on it, i make a mental note that, oh, that wasn’t the best choice, that might have been because of ______, i will try approach X next time.  its that simple, but i was somehow supposed to make more of it, and to this day, i still don’t know how.
i told myself to write 600 words, so have a good night everyone.