Sometime later I was happier

So, I’m not writing every week – you caught me. But Christmas was busy, and catching up after Christmas was even busier.

What matters is that I’m here now. Well, I’m writing now.

I thought I’d write a deeply reflective post this time, about happiness and satisfaction. It shall be inspirational, uplifting, and most likely highly boring. As most things happy and  inspirational tend to be.

Also, I hate reflection. It is a self centred, ridiculous act that was forced upon me at university. And probably makes me a better person, or would if I did it half as often as I was taught to do.

Recently, there were a series of events that made me see something in myself. Helped me to see that I was losing my patience. I have been getting upset over mundane things, and getting grumpy about most everything else. None of which was good evidence that I am in fact happy and actually really love my work.

I had gotten myself into the habit of comparing what I do with others. Comparing what I had with others. Despite doing lots of work out of my own interest and want. I started to worry about how much I perceived myself to be doing, and how much others were doing. I wanted more free time, money, space, etc. Basically whatever else other people had (or rather what I thought they had).

I lost sight that I actually enjoy what I do. I may not want to do it forever, but that is besides the point. I was quick becoming a covetess old fool who was dissatisfied with what I wanted.

I was trying to base my happiness on others, which really doesn’t work. I tried to play by rules that don’t exist. The world is not fair (I should end my happy tale here). It also is not unfair, it just is. Other people’s lives are not how I should be judging myself.  I learned this lesson long ago, that the world was not fair and I cannot make it fair. Somehow I forgot that simple truth by investing to much attention on what others have.

I somehow forgot that my happiness has nothing to do with you, or anyone else.

And that’s it.  I feel strangely much happier now. And all I did was stop carrying so much about others. Well… You get the point, I’m happy, regardless of how little or much I have. I’m better off than some, worse off then others and actually happier than most. And the trick is to recognise what I have, not what you have.

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